Apologising For Being A Man

I’ve come to realise as I’m reading blogs that I seem to spend a lot of time feeling the need to apologise for my fellow man, for the way so many men treat women, for the way so many women have been treated by men. It sickens me that there are men who think it’s ok to continue making advances on a woman when shes made it clear she’s not interested, and more than that.

Am I trying to say that I’m perfect, that I’ve never undressed a woman with my eyes, that I’ve never catcalled, that I’ve never thought of certain more manual labour as a ‘mans job’?
No, of course I’m not. I do, however, know where the line is and not to cross it. I was raised by a strong woman and taught to respect women. To respect everyone, lets face it. To be a decent human being.

My son has been raised the same way and if I was to ever find out that he was treating women in a disrepectful manner, if I ever found out he’d broken a woman’s consent… well let’s just say he may be 30 but he’d still find his hide tanned for it!
(I tried to put a joking ‘other than his mother, he can treat her however he pleases’ but actually, no, despite my thinking shes an insufferable bitch, if I found out Charlie was treating his mother wrong it would still be the same case!)

I was always aware of the difficulties a woman can face. My wife struggles with gender bias a lot in her chosen fields. There is a colleague of hers who refers to her, even in earshot, as ‘the cute blonde’ – ok, I’m not going to argue with his assessment because she <b>i</b> but damnit they’re supposed to be professionals, they’re peers, she has just as many (if not more) qualifications as he does, she’s published more, I’d like to say she’s better respected.

Samantha says it’s professonal jealousy combined with a masculine pride and not wanting to believe a woman could do better than her. I say it’s a good job I don’t have to see the arrogant fool more than once or twice a year. I’m personally not sure how she hasn’t broken his nose yet!

I also understnd that would cause more trouble than it’s worth and he’d just label her another emotional woman who can’t control or handle herself.

I cannot understand men like him. I cannot understand the behaviour of so many men.

How are we in 2016 and still struggling with the same issues of gender equality?

A Little Less Jack

Apparently I’ve lost a stone and a half of weight since I’ve retired. OK there’s no apparently, because I stood on the scales and they’re the ones that told me I’d lost the weight since the last time I stood on them. I guess I should say that I’ve accidentally done it, unintentionally.

Regardless, I’ve lost 21lb. Or 9.5kg depending on which form of measurement you ascribe to.

I’m not saying I couldn’t have done with losing the weight. Samantha has in fact been nagging me to lose weight for months and now that I’ve lost some I do feel better. If more continues to drop then great.

How have you unintentionally lost 21lb in 10 weeks, Jack? I hear you asking.
(You are asking, right?)

I’m not exactly sure. I’m drinking less coffee, I’m eating less cake and biscuits, I’m snacking less in general – and when I am snacking it’s on the healthy things in the house; fruit & veg mostly.
This is all directly related to not being in the office. Also connected is getting more exercise – longer walks with the dog in the morning, not sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day, helping Lucy with the housework, more sex.

Shocking, I know. Eating healthy and more exercise = weight loss. I’m just not used to losing weight without making an intentional effort to do so.

A dubious award

According to a small child in town today, I am the coolest old person they had ever seen. Possibly even the coolest old person, ever. Old people, you see, don’t wear Batman t-shirts. This is what I’ve learned today.

While I’m pleased as punch to be classed as cool, I’m not sure how I feel at being seen as an ‘old person’. Yes, I am old and yes I call myself old. But having someone else call me old is very different to knowing I’m old.
I’m not sure how much sense that makes.

Can I just take the ‘cool’ and run with it?
No-one’s ever actually called me cool and meant it before

Samantha and Lucy, who I was having lunch with at the time, thought it was utterly hilarious. They say that I’m just old and not cool though. One day they’ll both turn old, have people think they’re old and then we’ll see how they feel!

A cruel and unusual punishment

I’m actually amused how ‘changing the wifi password’ so that Lucy & I can’t get online has become Samantha’s punishment of choice. She’s right that coming online during the day is what’s stopping us from completing our set tasks but even so. It makes me a sad pouty Jack.

We won’t even cover the sex ban.

I’m now allowed online of an evening as long as everything’s done during the day. Lucy still isn’t so if you’ve not seen her update in a while that’s why.

I’m playing catch up on my emails right now. I had over 100 and I’ve got it down to 60. Next up is catching up on anyone’s blogs.

Lesson learned. Work first, then play.

Things Jack learned about himself this last week – he does not like to be alone and gets lonely quite easily.

It’s been a weird old week with Lucy at her sister’s and Samantha at work. Samantha’s gone again today – to bring Lucy home – and they’ll be back later this afternoon and I am at a loss of things to do. The house is quiet and empty. I’ve not enjoyed rattling around it in on my own all week and I don’t know how Lucy did it all day, every day.

I ended up spending the latter half of the week out – at the library or at a coffee shop mostly… anywhere where there was human contact to be had. I thought about looking into volunteering opportunities. I may even have snuck into one or two of Samantha’s classes.

I always knew I was an extrovert and thrived on the company of other people but I had no idea how miserable it would make me to be on my own. I hope this is not an experience to be repeated anytime soon!

25 Questions

It’s a little before 6am on a Sunday morning, I’m full of cold, home alone and wide awake. The wide awake is mostly a combination of an empty bed and not breathing – but the home alone/empty bed is no related to having a cold.

Lucy’s sister Susan went into labour early, two beautiful girls born late Friday night. Amelia and Olivia (Millie and Vivi). Small but healthy as expected for being born 2 months early. Samantha has taken Lucy to be with them and will be back later this morning.

I’m killing the sleepless hours online and came across this 25 Questions survey posted by Life Of A Chickpea. Answering and sharing it seemed like a good idea.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed. Leave them open and it’ll cast weird shadows and freak the dog out, or one of the cats will get in there.
2. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Bullet journal layout idea
3. Do you sing in the shower? Yes I do. This morning the girls were very entertained by my rendition of Time To Say Goodbye
4. What inspires you? Passion
5. Would you bungee jump? ‘Would’? I have and it was great fun
6. Do you have any pets? We have four right now – two cats and two dogs. Samantha would have horses if she could/we had the land and I know Lucy wants rabbits so this may change
7. What book are you reading? Dan Brown – The Lost Symbol
8. Last book you read? Dan Brown – The Da Vinci Code. Jack re-reads Robert Landgon 2017
9. Are you a sports fan? Yes. I support Manchester City and my local team in football. I also enjoy rugby, ice hockey and formula 1 racing
10. Last Person You Talked To On The Phone? Samantha
11. Favourite foods? Roast beef, yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, parsnip, broccoli, peas, carrots, mustard and gravy.
12. Mountain Hideaway or Beach House? Can I have a place on the beach with the mountains behind it? No? Oh just the beach house then
13. Last thing you listened to? Strauss – The Blue Danube
14. Growing up, which were you favourite cartoons? Oh God. Woody Woodpecker, The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, The Jetsons… I was a big Hanna Barbera fan
15. What are you listening to now? Birdsong from the garden
16. Relationship Status? In a committed poly triad
17. Biggest Fear? Losing my mind
18. Dream destination? I would love to experience Las Vegas
19. Are you in school? If so what are you studying? I’m thinking of taking some online classes in psychology
20. What is your favourite song at the moment? I don’t think I have a favourite per se. Bring Him Home from Les Miserables has been rattling around inside my skull recently.
21. Favourite Movie? Star Wars
22. Favourite color? Green.
23. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Alive
24. Batman or superman? Yes.
25. Who is your favourite villain? There’s so many good ones to chose from. Darth Vader, The Joker, Hal 9000, Voldemort, Moriarty, Red Skull, Loki, Ra’s Al Ghul, Magneto, Lex Luthor…

Polyamory and Me

I’m realising that one of the topics I’m going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I’m also aware that it’s going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I’m going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha’s girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else’s back. We aren’t inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It’s just that there’s three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We’re a triad, if you will. A delta.

It’s not something that was planned. It’s not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it’s not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months1. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy – and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It’s not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We’re still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she’s jealous of the amount of time I’m spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we’re both home all the time) so I’m aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven’t worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it’s a new situation so we’re growing and learning into it and from it

1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I’m planning on writing a post about as well.