Tag Archives: life

Hello

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last couple of months. It’s been a crazy busy time around here but I’m mostly still treading water. We’re all a little stressed – and that’s a trigger for worsening poor Lucy’s schizophrenia

The basics are
Samantha has been offered a new job at the other end of the country. After much discussion, she’s accepted it and we’re moving next month down to Cardiff.

Unfortunately, and making packing and moving much harder than anticipated, Samantha has broken her leg. One of the most terrifying phonecalls a man can recieve is one from the hospital saying his wife’s been in an accident. She tripped and fell down the stairs at work, gave herself mild concussion, a couple of cracked ribs and a displaced fracture of her right leg. She’s been struggling post-operation on her leg, groggy with painkillers and looking for something to do other than watch TV and read – she’s a very active woman and being mostly immobile isn’t working for her.  I’ve been spending a lot of time with her, keeping her company

I’m hoping to get caught up reading your posts over the next couple of days or so. Things are getting easier now we’re finding our current rhythm around the house.

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Apologising For Being A Man

I’ve come to realise as I’m reading blogs that I seem to spend a lot of time feeling the need to apologise for my fellow man, for the way so many men treat women, for the way so many women have been treated by men. It sickens me that there are men who think it’s ok to continue making advances on a woman when shes made it clear she’s not interested, and more than that.

Am I trying to say that I’m perfect, that I’ve never undressed a woman with my eyes, that I’ve never catcalled, that I’ve never thought of certain more manual labour as a ‘mans job’?
No, of course I’m not. I do, however, know where the line is and not to cross it. I was raised by a strong woman and taught to respect women. To respect everyone, lets face it. To be a decent human being.

My son has been raised the same way and if I was to ever find out that he was treating women in a disrepectful manner, if I ever found out he’d broken a woman’s consent… well let’s just say he may be 30 but he’d still find his hide tanned for it!
(I tried to put a joking ‘other than his mother, he can treat her however he pleases’ but actually, no, despite my thinking shes an insufferable bitch, if I found out Charlie was treating his mother wrong it would still be the same case!)

I was always aware of the difficulties a woman can face. My wife struggles with gender bias a lot in her chosen fields. There is a colleague of hers who refers to her, even in earshot, as ‘the cute blonde’ – ok, I’m not going to argue with his assessment because she <b>i</b> but damnit they’re supposed to be professionals, they’re peers, she has just as many (if not more) qualifications as he does, she’s published more, I’d like to say she’s better respected.

Samantha says it’s professonal jealousy combined with a masculine pride and not wanting to believe a woman could do better than her. I say it’s a good job I don’t have to see the arrogant fool more than once or twice a year. I’m personally not sure how she hasn’t broken his nose yet!

I also understnd that would cause more trouble than it’s worth and he’d just label her another emotional woman who can’t control or handle herself.

I cannot understand men like him. I cannot understand the behaviour of so many men.

How are we in 2017 and still struggling with the same issues of gender equality?

A cruel and unusual punishment

I’m actually amused how ‘changing the wifi password’ so that Lucy & I can’t get online has become Samantha’s punishment of choice. She’s right that coming online during the day is what’s stopping us from completing our set tasks but even so. It makes me a sad pouty Jack.

We won’t even cover the sex ban.

I’m now allowed online of an evening as long as everything’s done during the day. Lucy still isn’t so if you’ve not seen her update in a while that’s why.

I’m playing catch up on my emails right now. I had over 100 and I’ve got it down to 60. Next up is catching up on anyone’s blogs.

Lesson learned. Work first, then play.

Polyamory and Me

I’m realising that one of the topics I’m going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I’m also aware that it’s going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I’m going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha’s girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else’s back. We aren’t inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It’s just that there’s three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We’re a triad, if you will. A delta.

It’s not something that was planned. It’s not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it’s not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months1. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy – and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It’s not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We’re still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she’s jealous of the amount of time I’m spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we’re both home all the time) so I’m aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven’t worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it’s a new situation so we’re growing and learning into it and from it

1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I’m planning on writing a post about as well.

I Really Should Know Better

My Lady Samantha was less than impressed with the outcome of the rugby yesterday. Both by the fact that Wales lost and by the fact that I was ‘gloating’ over England’s win. If anything I would say she was sulking which might I also say was completely adorable. I do of course know better than to tell her so, at least while she’s still actively doing so, though I will kiss the pout off her face.

Her response to losing to England was to take it out on me, specifically on my butt. There’s no delicate way of saying it really – she spanked me. Continue reading I Really Should Know Better

Write What You Love

Thank you everyone for your tips and advice on my last post. I definitely found it helpful, and if anything it just reaffirmed what I already suspected.

Write from the heart, write about what I want to write about, write about whatever is in my head, write about what interests me, write about what makes me happy, write about my life.

So what does that mean? what interests me and makes me happy?

My wife and girlfriend. Polyamory. My son. Books I read, music I listen to, movies/tv I watch. Science fiction. Superheroes (Marvel and DC). Football. Fishing. Gardening. Astronomy. BDSM.

I’m not completely sure how any of these are going to translate into posts but I’ve also been told to not think so hard about, just ‘put pen to paper’ and ‘dont expect perfection on page 1’

All food for thought and I’m interested to see how it all plays out

I have however been working on the title for this thing. Instead of being a bland Jack’s Journal, I’ve now got a name of Flying To The Stars:Adventures in Space, Time, Polyamory, and Fishing which I really do like. I’ve also got a layout that I’m much happier with.

One step at a time. Perfect won’t happen on page 1.