Polyamory and Me

I’m realising that one of the topics I’m going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I’m also aware that it’s going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I’m going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha’s girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else’s back. We aren’t inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It’s just that there’s three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We’re a triad, if you will. A delta.

It’s not something that was planned. It’s not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it’s not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months1. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy – and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It’s not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We’re still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she’s jealous of the amount of time I’m spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we’re both home all the time) so I’m aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven’t worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it’s a new situation so we’re growing and learning into it and from it

1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I’m planning on writing a post about as well.

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5 thoughts on “Polyamory and Me

  1. This was an interesting read. Thanks for sharing the details on how this relationship works for all of you! I think it shouldn’t matter what other people think about your relationship and if it doesn’t follow the norm then who cares if you’re happy that’s all that really matters. ❤

    http://pawlean.com

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  2. Thanks for sharing your experiences and relationship with us. There are not a lot of people who would have the nerve to as it’s not something many people would accept or can understand.

    As long as the three of you are happy, that’s all that matters. 🙂

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  3. This was very interesting. I have read some of Lucy’s blog and I say each to their own – as long as all three of you are happy in your relationship that’s all that matters. I enjoy reading about how you all fit together as a threesome – some days I find making my relationship with one partner work a struggle, and I can’t imagine adding another person into the mix!

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  4. I think it’s actually the dual taboo nature of our relationship that makes it work so well, it makes us communicate on every level, makes us sit down and actually talk about our relationship on all its various levels, and what is or isn’t working, if one of us wants more or less etc. It’s certainly not easy – but nothing worth having is

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